Cracky Oneshots
by Mochisarecute357
Summary: Random and Crack oneshots made by me, MikiCHU07, Shankie and my other friend who sadly doesn't have an ff account.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! These are random and crack one shots made by me, MikiCHU07, Shankie and my other friend who sadly has no ff account. We chose the characters randomly so crack. **

**Disclaimer: We sadly do not own hetalia QAQ.**

**This one's made by me which is just… I don't even know what I wrote… and it escalates TOO quickly.**

**Romano x Japan one shot **

**Title: This trip's not so bad**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

(Romano's POV)

I groaned. My stupid fratello dragged me all the way from Italy to ENGLAND. Yes bitches you read it right. And why in the name of the juiciest tomato would he do that? Two words. London. Eye. Yes, my fucking fratello dragged me there just to RIDE in it. I mean what was with that fucking pathetic excuse?! And the worst part was he just HAD to fucking bring that macho potato and that other guy (was it Japan?) along.

"Ugh, this day can't get ANY worse." I grumbled. We were in the amusement park and my stupid brother made us ride in the fucking roller coaster 10 FUCKING TIMES. Gah I swear if he makes me ride that shit again I'll throw up at his fucking face. And you think that was bad? HE WAS CLINGING TO THAT POTATO BASTARD THE WHOLE TIME.

"Shit, this has got to be the worst day of my fucking shitty life" I said.

"Werr, it isn't so bad..." Japan said.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah right because getting dragged from your luxury to a shitty country with shitty crappy food-

~O~Somewhere~O~

England shivered but just let the feeling go and resumed to cooking doorstops- i mean scones.

~O~Amusement Park ~O~

"-by your brother JUST to ride The fucking London Eye and clinging on the guy that you hate with a fucking burning passion is the most fucking beautiful thing that will fucking ever happen to you." I said bitterly.

Japan sweat dropped and smiled a little. "Werr,not rearry but the time that the four of us hang out together rarery comes so we might as werr enjoy ourserves. Rook, Itaria-kun seems to be enjoying himserf."

I looked at my brother smiling while talking animatedly to that damn potato eater. I frowned. "Yeah, enjoying himself with the potato fu-"

"Romano you must try to rook at positive sides of your situation. That wirr herp you to enjoy this trip."

I considered it. "Yeah maybe your right..."

.o~0~.

It was already 8:50 pm and my stupid fratello said we should ride the eye now so that we'd get a perfect view of the upcoming fireworks display. He wanted to ride with the fucking macho potato and I was about to object when Japan took my hand. I contemplated but agreed anyway. My fratello bear-hugged me with the line "YOU'RE THE BEST FRATELLO EVER!~" and ran inside beckoning the potato to follow. I looked at Japan. "Well, I guess we're together then..." He smiled. "Hai..."

Both of us went inside and the door closed. The ride moved and we were welcomed by the perfect view of London with all the pretty fucking lights and all that shit.

"This is nice isn't it?" Japan said.

"Si..-"

I was about to finish the attempt of any conversation when the clock struck at 9:00 and with a loud BOOM! the sky was filled with all colors of fireworks and together with the stars made the sky look magnificent. Japan and I stared with awe and I suddenly felt warmth on my hand. I looked and saw that he held my hand. I blushed and looked away. He smiled and I can't help but smile as well. It was the first time I ever smiled this whole trip and for the first time I realized.

This trip's not so bad.

END~


	2. Chapter 2

**This one's made by Shankie.**

**Spain x Germany one shot**

**Title: The Barrel of Love**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

Italy left the house and Germany was left with a **gigantic, yes a huge one about human size** barrel of tomatoes. Not knowing what to do, immediately, he asked France to do something about it, which he responded to by calling his "buddy" Spain. At first, Spain was very suspicious about the barrel and had not opened it for an hour, no matter how many times Germany tried to convince him that it was a barrel of tomatoes and that he'd rather have a barrel of potatoes.

But Spain grew hungrier and hungrier by the minute, specially after knowing that there was a whole bunch of those red stuff he loved, which was not blood, in the barrel. Giving in, he immediately opened the barrel and devoured the contents. Even Germany was surprised at how fast he had gobbled up the tomatoes that the clapped his hands afterwards.

Spain stared at the empty barrel in silence, he rubbed his chin while pouting. Germany gulped at Spain and slowly he backed away, "Vhat zhe hell are you thinking about...?" He said, wary of the smirk that grew on Spain's face. "Say... Germany... Do you know what a barrel ride is?" Spain stood up and put his hand on the Barrel's lid.

"A barrel ride... is when you run on top of a barrel going downhill?"

"No... I don't know what you call that. It's when you hop in the barrel, and then roll down the barrel!" Spain winked, "It's harder than running on top of a barrel."

"Isn't that suffocating?" Germany crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow.

"It can make you stronger." Spain smiled, and his smile grew even wider when he noticed how Germany suddenly became stiff, and how his gaze slowly fell down on the barrel, temptation written all over his face.

So they headed to a nearby hill, and then Spain placed the barrel laying sideward, with a rock stopping the barrel from rolling down. "Get in!" Spain hovered his hand inside the barrel. At first, Germany had hesitation, and even gulped as he looked inside the barrel, but deciding that he should just try it out and see what would happen, he immediately hopped inside and curled. '_It's so tight in here!_' Germany thought as he wriggled, trying to be comfortable. Suddenly, his space was furthermore invaded when a certain Spanish idiot had hopped inside, grinning as well.

"VHAT ARE YOU-" Germany deadpanned when he saw Spain slowly taking out his foot that his hip and the barrel squeezed, "N-NO NO NO! SPAIN DON'T-!"

Spain kicked the barrel, causing it to skip over the rock that blocked it's pathway, and so they rolled down the hill in an insanely fast speed that the only thing Germany saw was white, beige, brown, and black. Germany screamed while the barrel rolled, and Spain laughed like there was no tomorrow.

However the barrel had hit a rock, causing it to fly toward a tree. At first, Germany was relieved that all the spinning had stopped, but when he noticed that there was a cool breeze going through the barrel's holes, he paled and looked up, and felt his blood dry out as he watched the blue blue sky in falling motion. After the calm suspension in air, the barrel hit a tree at the bottom of the hill, causing Spain to squeak in pain, and part of the barrel to break. The barrel then fell on the ground, and Germany fell flat on his back, and his screaming was silenced.

Wait- his screaming was silenced?

Spain fell down on top of them, and the gap between their lips were closed. At first, the two had tried to process what the hell had happened, but Germany's brain finished loading, and upon realizing that he was kissing Spain, his face whitened followed by horrendous kicking and thrashing and screaming.

THE END~


	3. Chapter 3

**This one's by MikiCHU07. She also says that it's OOC. We chose a random prompt for this one and she got the toilet.**

**France x Romano crack one shot**

**Title: Romano, France and the Toilet**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

"This is fucking stupid."

Romano was going to Spain, France and Prussia's shared house at the insistence of the tomato bastard. He didn't want to go, but his fratello insisted as well, saying that Spain might get upset. An upset Spaniard is a Spaniard he didn't want to deal with.

He turned the doorknob and was surprised to see that the house was empty. "Oi! Tomato bastardo! Why'd you-a call me here?!" he shouted. He decided to sit on the couch to wait for any of the trio. He tapped his foot impatiently.

Romano felt his stomach hurt. 'Shit I forgot to go to the toilet…' he thought, rushing to the door with a very big and very obvious sign saying "BATHROOM".

However, in his haste, he forgot to lock the door and open the lights. He figured he'd be able to shit in the dark anyway. Meanwhile, the BTT just got home from a nearby bar. France desperately needed to pee and the line in the bathroom of the bar was awfully long that's why they had to go home PRONTO!

France ran in the bathroom, opened the door and turned on the lights and was very surprised to see a very surprised and a very red Italian. "WHAT THE FUCK, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M-A SHITTING HERE?!" Romano shouted at the surprised Frenchman.

"I'm sorry mon ami! But I desperately need to PEE!" France said pushing Romano off the toilet, who landed on his bare ass and hastily pulling up his pants and scurrying off before France could unzip his pants.

"Oh Romano! Mi tomate! Where have you been?" Spain asked the Italian, who was red and refused to speak. After a while, France emerged from the bathroom, a grin plastered on his face. "I have seen what ze two of you have never seen before!" he said, smirking.

"STOP IT! STOP-A TALKING ABOUT MY-A TUSHIE!" Romano screamed, running outside, much to the confusion of Spain and Prussia.

THE END.

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

**A/N: I laughed so hard when I read this and wondered about five things.**

**1)Wow they shared a house? Never knew that.**

**2)Can't France just pee anywhere since he's a dude and all? (But that would just make the story not happen.)**

**3)Wasn't there a thing whatever it's called where dudes pee in the bathroom? (She said unfortunately no.)**

**4)And if France just push Romano off the toilet wasn't there shit coming outta his ass or sumthin'? and he fell so does that mean it smudged the floor and he just pulled his fucking pants like that and didn't bother to wash or sumthin' and didn't his shit get all over his pants and why did France just used the toilet like a boss without flushing? (She said he did flush but she didn't mention it HA!)**

**5)AND DIDN'T AT LEAST ONE OF THEM SMELL ANYTHING?!**


	4. Chapter 4

**This one's by my friend who doesn't have an ff account. She doesn't really know much about hetalia but she knows some stuff about it so the characters are kind of ooc.**

**The prompt that she got was zombie…this is PURE CRACK. My reaction to this was like "WTF dude this is so sick!"**

**France x Prussia one shot. PURE CRACK.**

**Title: WTF France?!**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O\

"Bonjour, mon ami~" France greeted. "Sup." Prussia greeted back. "I brought my friend. Say hello. He is Prussia." "What the fuck France? A zombie? A FRIEND?!" "Hngapldgzbd." The zombie greeted. "He's going to join our adventure in touching buns!" The zombie scratched his butt. "But first, let's have 'it' with us first!" "FUCK NO-" Prussia was dragged into a closed room with France and the zombie friend, looking excited. *click* the door's locked. "AAH. FUCK NO. DON'T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR ROTTEN FLESH! GERMANY, HEELP YOU MOTHERFUCKER."

~Happily Ever After~


	5. Chapter 5

**This one's by me again. The prompt I got was internet. It's sooo.. uhh idk.**

**Russia x Germany one shot. Crack? Idk**

**Title: The E-mail**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

The Allies were playing Truth or Dare and Russia was dared to send Germany an e-mail confessing his undying love whilst being anonymous, of course. Russia then turned his laptop on and sent the email to Germany.

'You've got mail' Germany opened the mysterious e-mail from an unknown person but he quickly recognized who it was for it said:

New mail

Privyet Germany,

You are my sunflower and my love for you is undying. We shall now become one, da?

Anonymous~

Germany stared at it with his 'WTF face'. After a few moments of gathering himself, he face-palmed, deleted the mail, turned his computer of and slept.

END~


	6. Chapter 6

**This one's by MikiCHU07. The prompt she got was a chair. She also said it's OOC. **

**France x America one shot CRACK**

**Title: FrUS and a chair**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

America was busy looking for a chair because he's beloved couch got destroyed due to a freak accident involving England and his magic. He decided to look for a chair since couches are more expensive. Duh.

France was also looking for a chair because he wanted to sit on his majestic, freshly mown lawn, but he didn't want to ruin it's wonderful grassy glory. DUH.

Finally, America and France found the most perfect chair in the whole store. The WHOLE CHAIR was polished oak, and the seat was cushioned with a dark blue pillow with flowy designs. It was so beautiful and majestic and perfect that their eyes became misty with tears. Holy meatballs.

America and France grabbed the chair at the same time and stared at each other with pure RAEG in their eyes.

"Dude, I picked this chair first." The American hissed. "Mon ami, I believe zhat zhis chair belongs to MOI." The Frenchman yanked the chair away from America who stumbled back in a pile of cushions/pillows/fluffy stuff.

France felt sorry for America, then remembered his precious majestic lawn. Then, just about when all hell was going to BREAK LOOSE, a mysterious man duplicated the perfect chair and the copy fell on France's foot. France threw the other chair at America, but missed and hit England instead.

"OW! What was that for, you bloody frog?!" England said and was about to continue when he saw the majestic perfection of a chair floating over to America, who had his arms outstretched towards the chair.

The power of pity and love and rage was so great that it gave the chair the ability to float.

America's forgiveness for France was…not so great, that he accepted the magical flating chair. He got so excited he ran out.

.

.

.

France paid for both chairs.

.

.

.

The mysterious dude was Romano.

THE END~


	7. Chapter 7

**This one's by me AGAIN. This is seriously OOC especially ENGLAND no I'm not kidding. The prompt I got was a closet.**

**England x Romano one shot PURE CRACK AND IGGY'S OOCNESS.**

**Title: The world within the closet**

O~QAQ~QJQ~=7=~O

Ok, zombies we're taking over the world and the countries got separated running away from the fleshy freaks. Somehow, England and Romano ended up together. The two of them ran inside an abandoned house and they were surprised to see that there was nothing inside but a shitty, worn out-looking closet.

They had no choice but to go inside for the herd of zombies were right at their tail. They opened the closet doors which exposed the closet's glory and were surprised to see what was inside.

"What- WHAT IN THE FUCKING WORLD IS THIS BULLSHIT?!"

The closet held another world where unicorns, fairies and all the other things that are magical and mystical were in there. The sky in there was so blue and the sun was so bright that everything sparkled at each step (even the grass!).

"I-it's, it's enough to make a grown man cry… BUT NOT THIS MAN! Tear, go back in there. (Virtual cookies to those who know the reference)" England's tear suddenly got swallowed by his eye. Romano looked at him with disgust.

"Shit man, stop creeping the fuck out of me, dammit!"

They turned their heads and saw that the zombies were just right outside so they went inside without a second thought and locked the doors (which strangely disappeared). England then went to his magical friends laughing, smiling doing shit he usually does with his (un)existing friends. Romano just sat down and hugged his legs by the nearby tree. 'Great, first zombies invade the fucking universe now I'm stuck with this fucking eyebrow psycho in a fucking universe which doesn't even exist FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE!' Romano lowered his head. 'I haven't missed that tomato bastard like this before…I'd rather be with him and shit than to be here.' Romano thought as his eyes drooped and sleep overcame him.

They were stuck there for the rest of their lives and lived happily ever after. Somehow, England and Romano got married and spent the rest of their lives frolicking in the sparkly meadows and for the other countries… let's just say they ate brains for a living.

END~


End file.
